Where Do Babies Come From?
by LuxrayWasHere
Summary: Toony, Ness and Lucas always meet together every afternoon to discuss what question they would like to ask their storytellers, which change every night. However, Toony suggests a question that would scar them. Unfortunately, Bowser was Lucas' storyteller, which ended up making Lucas' childhood ruined. Rated T for swearing and Bowser's conversation. For JH's B-Day!


**Hi! A little oneshot for JazzHeart's birthday! September 3****rd**** I think… I'll do it early. XD Let's start!**

Fang's P.O.V

I groaned as Master Hand gave out the instructions to put the little Smashers to bed, not only that, I also was picked to put Toony to bed! That little brat!

"Bowser, you can put Lucas to bed." MH stated, "Do NOT be rough on him, he's just a kid."

The Koopa King groaned, and that meant that Brian was obviously going to put Ness to bed. However, we had NO idea what was in store for us.

Toony's P.O.V

Ah! Nothing like starting a decent conversation with some of the older Smashers! I gathered Lucas and Ness around the kids' room to ask them what question to ask our storytellers.

"So what question are we going to ask this time, Toons?" Ness questioned.

"I've always wondered where babies came to the world in the first place," I stroked my imaginary beard, "I can ask Fang, I heard he's my storyteller tonight."

"Yeah." Lucas said, "I'm also curious."

Sucks too be Lucas, poor kid, he had no idea that Bowser was going to teach him… Nevermind. Anyway, the kids' room had more beds than kids just in case our storytellers fell asleep.

Brian's P.O.V

Oh, god. This is one memory that I will never forget. Ever.

"Good evening, Nessy." I smiled, "Ready for a bedtime story?"

I had to hold back a few screams, bedtime stories and fairytales? Bleh!

"I wanna ask you something first." He explained.

"Sure thing!"

"Where do babies come from?"

My grin faded, how on Earth was I going to answer this question? I had to think fast.

"Um… You see N-Ness." I stuttered, "Babies… They are very hard to find actually. Er… You ever heard of the birds and the bees..? Uh… Every time a bee stings a bird, a cabbage comes out of this sort of portal thingy… The birds don't like it too much but I heard the bees enjoy it."

He nodded.

"Inside the cabbage, a baby will be hidden inside it somewhere. It's SUPER hard to find… Only 30 percent of the babies get found by a couple. It's usually found under a tree of some sort, from birches to oaks, to elms and a whole lot more! And… And… I need to go to the bathroom."

I ran out of the door and slammed it shut. What've I done..?

Ness' P.O.V

Um… What?

Fang's P.O.V

Toony's question mortified me, I was exposed to too much of the real world when I was 11, and he didn't deserve to listen to the horrible truth.

"_What should I fucking do?"_ I racked my brains for all the solutions, my high IQ wasn't helping me, _"I think I'll do the simple baby mail from the stork."_

"Are you going to tell me, White?" he asked.

I didn't take to kindly to the nickname, but he was just a kid, so I kept calm.

"It's pretty complicated." I wondered how I was going to survive MH's punishment if he found out the truth, "The clouds… They're more amazing than everyone thinks they are… Do you play Minecraft?"

"Yup! It's awesome!" he grinned, "Amazing buildings and all…"

"Erm… They craft babies out of other materials. Let's say you would like to craft a kitten, it's just like making a sandcastle. You just shape it. Once the cloud is done with the crafting, it uses special lightning to make it alive. It then wraps it in a towel, gives it to a stork, who gives the kitten to the cat."

After that I kept rambling on how kittens were raised, then my eyes started to feel heavy.

"T-Then the cat… Zzzzzz."

Toony's P.O.V

Hehe, White fell asleep. I used my clawshot to drag him to the extra beds, he started talking in his sleep.

"Oh, Panther. Wolf will fire you if you go in perv mode to get Krystal…"

Bowser's P.O.V

I! Hate! READING-TO-CHILDREN! It sucks so much! However… This time… I will enjoy ruining Lucas' childhood.

"It's very simple." I stated, "This is a (BEEP)!"

I held up a sausage.

"This is a (BEEP)!"

I held up a doughnut.

"When a man and woman love each other… They start playing with those things… And they tickle each other with it. They start doing it in total speed. The speed of light if achievable. And then… Just give her all your god-like train. Train stations… I even made a song for the question."

Lucas' terrified face could not stop Bowser from laughing his head off in his mind.

"I can remember making it for Disney or something like that. They gave me 12000 dollars for the song. I can open your (BEEP)! Rock your body like (BEEP) over sideways and (BEEP)! Until you feel like you can (BEEP)!"

I left the terrified boy crying. Ahhh, it's good to be evil.

3rd Person P.O.V

The next day…

Fang had dark circles under his eyes the next morning, he ate his breakfast slowly, and in the end… His face went splat into the mushroom soup. Which caused his eyes to burn. Painfully. Bowser kept laughing for no reason, and Brian was extremely quiet throughout the afternoon.

"So what bedtime story did you tell Toony?" Bowser asked, calming down a bit.

"He asked me where babies come from." He gulped, "I didn't want to tell him the truth."

"Coincidence!" Brian's head perked up, "Ness asked me the same question. I also kept the truth from him."

"Strange…" Bowser muttered, hogging the beef patties, "Lucas asked me the same question."

"Is that what you were laughing about?" Brian's eyes widened, "I can't believe you would do that to such an innocent kid! You really are the villain of the group! I'm reporting to Master Hand!"

"NOOOOO!" the koopa screamed, "PLEEEASE! NOOOOO! HE'LL SERVE EVERYONE TURTLE SOUP FOR DINNER! ME!"

"If you want to be safe, beat me in my favorite game." He said, not even bothering to turn his head, "Meet me at the Gambler Room 5 o 'clock charp. Ciao, buddy!"

He went to the video game room and picked up his 3DS, making the insane rabbits take pictures of themselves while doing crazy poses. Fang looked at Bowser.

"This will be good." He grinned.

That evening…

Fang tapped his foot impatiently as he looked at his watch, 2 minutes late! How could this be?

"I'm here." Bowser walked in.

"I'm using the white pieces." The teen growled.

"I don't care which."

7 hours later…

"_It's midnight and that koopa still hasn't done anything decisive…" _Brian thought,_ "He might be planning something"_

He watched as the koopa moved his queen, and it ate his rook.

"Dammit!" Brian slammed his fists on the table, "This is the first time you- It's my turn?"

He used the king to eat his queen, also making his grin wide.

"Checkmate."

He ran out of the room and reported to Master Hand, leaving a sobbing Bowser thinking of how he'll survive punishment.

What happened to the kids at the afternoon...

Lucas didn't sleep, he was crying the whole night due to being exposed to something too disgusting. He had black circles under his eyes, he was also shivering, and when he woke up he found out that Fang had been dreaming about trying to report about Panther's pervertedness. If that's a word. He didn't know who the hell Panther Caroso was, but it sounded like somebody he did NOT want to meet.

"What was the answer?" Ness asked, "Toony first. He suggested the question."

"The clouds are magical! They can create babies and kittens and whatnot! It wraps the infant in a towel and gets a stork to find its destined family!"

"Hold it right there!" Ness interrupted, "Fang's stupid! Why would a baby be created by clouds? This it the correct version. A bee finds a bird to sting, then a cabbage appears out of some sort of portal and a couple finds it! It's a rare cabbage too! What did Bowser tell you Lucas?"

"Um…"

**Poor Lucas. D: But I had to do it, the idea just popped into my mind. I'm sorry if I caused any Lucas fans to get angry, but seriously. Everyone's favorite character is bashed around sometimes! Wolf is my favorite character and I've seen him get killed a lot in ToDs! Not that I'm interested in them or anything. Oh, what am I talking about?! I'm ranting, which is weird. Anyway… BYES!**


End file.
